Stories

S initially came with a language-learning project. Originally from Seychelles and currently a head of department in a hospital, he wanted to connect better to his dialect-speaking patients and set a good example for his staff. However, midway through the coaching engagement he came to a session with a different issue - his failing marriage.

Apparently, this had been going on for awhile and he was at his wits' end. Everything he had done in an attempt to save the marriage did not work; expensive dinners, holidays, jewellery, etc. It had reached a point where his wife and himself were sleeping in separate bedrooms. He feared that divorce was imminent.

 Insight & Intervention 

It seem strange that all his efforts has no effect on his wife, and he also did not seem to know her opinions on the matter. A quick reality check around whether his wife knew of his intentions to save their marriage resulted in an earth-shattering realisation for the client. He had been so caught up in all the grand and fancy gestures, that he forgot to do the most basic of things - speaking openly and honestly! 

After the session, he went home and spoke earnestly about his intentions, much to the surprise of his wife (who had always thought he did not understand how he had contributed to the failing relationship and hence ignored all his efforts). They managed to talk things out, arrive on the same page as each other, and divorce was averted. 

K was an aspiring chef who only recently started to take his culinary journey seriously. We were on the tailend of a particularly heavy session where he had to acknowledge and face up to some hard truths about himself. In an attempt to balance out the energies, K was invited to reflect and appreciate himself for the work he had done in the session, or just about himself as a person, in general. Try as he might, he could not do it. He could say some of the words as a matter of fact, but there was no emotion or appreciation present.

 Insight & Intervention 

Engaging with K's thoughts or emotions directly was not working. No worries, there are many roads to Rome. A body-centric approach should do the trick since K is quite a physically-inclined person. With his eyes closed, we slowly 'visited' different zones in his body, starting from his head. 

When we reached his hands, K's emotions surged. He was suddenly very aware of the effort he had put into his life so far, and how his 'hands' were his trusted companions and partners. Everything he had ever done and loved, always involved some form of working with his hands, cooking the most of all. Tears flowed freely.

K ended the session with a renewed connection to all the work he had ever done in his life, and he was able to appreciate himself for his accomplishments. He went on to setup his own private dining business.

T started the session with a lamentation that his 'old-self' was gone; that he was not as spontaneous as he used to be. He went on to speak at length on all things connected to the topic of spontaneity. 

Interestingly, while he could recall his past quite well, he did not seem able to imagine what a new, spontaneous future might look like for himself. When pressed on this question, he would struggle a little and revert back to reminiscing about the past. This behaviour began to repeat during the session.

 Insight & Intervention 
Continuing to entertain the cyclical conversation would be a fool's errand. Instead, an offer was made to end the session early so that T could go and reconnect to the feeling of spontaneity in this present time. Thereafter, we could reconvene to speak about how a spontaneous future would actually look like. As intended, this proposal created a 'shock' and jolt to T's reminiscing behaviour. 

He was to complete five spontaneous tasks in the coming week, photograph himself and send me a message each time he was done.

This approach actually worked very well for T; he did not finish five tasks, but he rekindled his connection to spontaneity. In our follow-up session, he admitted that if we did the 'usual coaching thing', he might still be going back and forth about his spontaneous past versus his boring present. He was glad that he got pushed out of his comfort zone. 

J hailed from Hong Kong and was in a management trainee program. He was beginning to lose focus and joy in his work. Work was neverending and he dragged himself to it each day. It was nearly time to rotate to a new department, but he found himself unable to make a choice. We uncovered during the session that deep down, he was considering leaving the company, even though he had no clear idea of what he was going to do next. He was in a state of resignation.

 Insight & Intervention 
Deciding to delve into the reasons for him joining the management trainee program in the first place was our starting point. He mentioned it was solely for the financial stability. When asked what he needed the financial stability for, he initially responded with a generic 'Isn't that what everyone wants?'. Undeterred, I asked again, what was his specific reason, continuing to be patient and inviting him to reflect more deeply. He found his answer.

J recalled that it was actually because he had dreams to go to the pilot academy, and joining the management trainee program was a means to earn enough money to do so. He got especially emotional when he realised that the textbooks he bought to study for pilot academy were currently being used as a footrest, forgotten at his feet. 

Needless to say, he rekindled his own fire, booked the last available entrance exam for pilot academy for the calendar year, and got those books out from under his feet. The renewed fire and focus, translated to his existing role, helping him become more decisive and committed to his goals.